Rush Cracks Up: Funniest ‘Two If By Tea’ Story Yet

RUSH:  This is great.  We got Bill from Scranton, Pennsylvania.  Bill, let me reset the stage.  His family gets together every July 4th.  A lot of liberals in the family.  They each have a responsibility to make the Fourth of July celebration fun and entertaining.  Everybody has a various chore to do.  And he decided to do blind taste testing of raspberry Two If By Tea with three other brands, Snapple, Lipton, and Nestea.  They used blank cups, they covered the labels on the bottles, probably didn’t use the bottles, and 27 out of 28 family members chose Two If By Tea as the best tasting.  Now, he was just about to tell us the reaction — ’cause this is a liberal family — when they found out that Two If By Tea was the winner, and we ran out of time.  So you’re up.  What happened?

CALLER:  Well, we had about 50 people gathered around the table, Rush, and my wife lifted up the box to reveal the Two If By Tea, and it was met with anger, rage, yelling, cursing.  I had a beer dumped on my head.  We had watermelon rinds that were tossed at us.  My wife had a piece of key lime pie that was smashed in her face.

RUSH:  Now, wait a second.  This sounds like real anger.

CALLER:  Rush, it gets better.  It was absolute rage.  Now, in classic liberal character, rather than acknowledging the results of the test, the immediate response was that we cheated and that we rigged the test, that we changed the locations, that we had the same tea behind every box, that we switched the results.  It was everything except acknowledging that the results were what they were.


I tell you what, Bill, this is so great, you gotta keep an eye on our website because you may, with this call, you may end up qualifying as our Patriot of the Month. 

We have at the website, we honor an American citizen every month, the Patriot of the Month.  It’s a very, very complicated selection process.  But we’ve got gift certificates coming out soon, Bill, that would be ideal here for your liberal family members who may not be able to pull the trigger and actually buy it themselves.  You’ve got gift certificates here that you can perhaps arrange for them to get.  I may send you some of those, too.  What I need you to do is hang on, I’ll put you on hold, and Mr. Snerdley is gonna get all the vital shipping information to you, and he’s gonna give that to me, and I’m gonna turn it over to the Two If By Tea people over there that take care of this. I’m gonna get you a care package out.

CALLER:  Thank you very much, sir.

RUSH:  Because this is the funniest story I have heard.  Bill, whatever you do, don’t hang up.  Mr. Snerdley will be right with you, and we will be right back.  So don’t go away.

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