HILARIOUS! RUSH: Hidden Audio Captures Bill Clinton Trying To Cure Harvey Weinstein

RUSH: Ladies and gentlemen, you’ve heard that Harvey Weinstein has, in a stealth move, flown to a clinic specializing in sex addiction. What you might not know is that Bill Clinton is on the staff at this sex-addiction clinic, and we have hidden audio of one of the first sessions.

BEGIN PARODY TRANSCRIPT

ANNOUNCER: We now take you behind the scenes as Harvey Weinstein gets the treatment he so desperately deserves.

“WEINSTEIN”: Thanks for taking me in, Bill. Nobody else understands me! You gotta help me. You gotta help me! (groaning) You gotta help me! (sobbing)

“BILL CLINTON”: Harvey, are you ready to start learning a new way of looking at women?

“WEINSTEIN”: (sobbing) Yeah. Uh, I’m not used to it. But you’re the doctor.

“BILL CLINTON”: Well, now, my honorary doctor’s license is only good in Guatemala. But I’m here to help you as a friend now that your check has cleared. I think a shock-therapy session should get us moving ahead quicker. It won’t be easy and you’ll have to prepare yourself against temptation. Now before I raise the curtain, repeat to yourself, “She’s the last woman on earth, but I’m not attracted to her.” Go ahead.

“WEINSTEIN”: She’s the last woman on earth, but I’m not attracted to her. (sniffling) She’s the last woman on earth, but I’m not attracted to her. She’s the last woman on earth, and I’m not attracted to her.

“BILL CLINTON”: All right. Here it goes!

(burlesque music)

“WEINSTEIN”: Hillary!

“HILLARY”: Hey, there, big, bad boy! How about some of this — on the casting couch?

“WEINSTEIN”: I — I gotta go! Oooooooooooh! (running away)

“HILLARY”: Harvey! Harvey, come back! I love you!

“WEINSTEIN”: (screaming)

“HILLARY”: I’ll lie for you! I’m great at covering stuff up. Please, come back!

“WEINSTEIN”: (screaming)

“HILLARY”: Come back! I love you!

“BILL CLINTON”: What the hell? Hillary really went for him. How could she ever be attracted to a guy… Didn’t see that coming!

ANNOUNCER: Join us next time our newly sanitized microphones take you behind the scenes with Harvey Weinstein!

END PARODY TRANSCRIPT

RUSH: So you heard it. You heard it. Bill Clinton tried to cure Harvey Weinstein by hiding Hillary Clinton behind a curtain. “She’s the last woman on earth. I will not be attracted to her.” And it worked! Harvey ran out of the clinic with Hillary chasing him. Yes siree bob. See, here we are laughing about Harvey Weinstein. Twitter is going to obviously blow up here and be demanding an apology for the insensitivity that has been displayed and portrayed here.

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