HILARIOUS! RUSH: Condensed Version Of Obama’s Farewell Address – PARODY

RUSH: Here’s our first stab at a condensed version of what took nearly an hour to say last night.

ANNOUNCER:  Now the honest and condensed version of President Obama’s farewell address…

MAN:  All right!  Yeah!

“OBAMA” (godlike echo):  Please, uh… Please stop the applause.  I’m not gone yet.  My fellow Americans and good people of Chicago, tonight it’s my turn to say thanks to me.  I first came to Chicago in my twenties searching for a purpose in my life, and not much has changed. And this year I learned what can happen when ordinary people come together for change. Damn it.  For every step forward, we seem to take two steps backward.  Yes, our progress has been uneven.

If I had told you eight years ago that America would come out of the Great Recession in sloooow moooootion, that we would prop up GM and Solyndra with your tax dollars, that we would let Iranian dictators grow more powerful and confident in their nuclear future, that we would open the door to Cuba to save their communist regime — that after 5,000 years of recorded history, we would insist on throwing away the sacred institution of marriage and that we would take over the entire health care system and tear it up into tiny pieces…

I-i-if I had said that I was gonna do all that eight years ago, you might have said that our sights were pointed in the wrong direction.  And now, because of you, America’s got Donald Trump.  And that’s what I want to focus on tonight.  Democracy requires a basic sense of civility, that everybody in America should believe as I do — or in other words: I’m better than Donald.  Now that I’m on my way out, consumer confidence is up, stock markets are up, and the number of people losing their health insurance is at an all-time high.  Look, if anyone can put together a health insurance plan that will permanently take my name off this turkey, I will support that plan.  After eight years, I just recently noticed that the middle class and poor have been left behind in my economy…

ANNOUNCER:  We now must tear you away from this engrossing farewell speech, which turned out to be a lot longer than we thought.  Go grab a cup of coffee; take a NoDoz. We’ll be back right after this.

RUSH:  Yeah, we tried to condense it into two minutes, and we didn’t succeed, folks.  I can’t make up my mind here whether we’ll hear the rest of it or not.  You get the drift.  He actually said (impression), “If I’d’a told you eight years ago that America would have the best economy we’ve ever had… If I’d’a told you that we’d’a saved GM and got bin Laden… If I’d’a told you that we had prevented Iran from ever getting nuclear weapons… If I’d’a told you that we’d open the door to Cuba to end communism… If I’d’a told you…” That’s the kind of stuff he said. “If I’d’a told you eight years ago, you wouldn’t believe it.”

We don’t believe it now because it didn’t happen!

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